Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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