who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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