if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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