JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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