All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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