I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
