Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
