I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Holy sore nipples Batman
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
