I could make wine with my vomit
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
