Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
