My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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