no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
