Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
