I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
