Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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