20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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