I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
there was a trapeze. enough said
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
