he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
