My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
please come you make the beer taste better
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We need to get me chipped asap
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
