actually, I'm a sock model
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
