Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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