he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
