Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
