Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
