maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
