Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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