God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
