How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
