the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
im holly from the hills drunk
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
