There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
