I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
