4 words: hood of his car
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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