She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
