I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
