I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
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