I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
