Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
