you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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