Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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