So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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