Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
