Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
