If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
