so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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