I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
