she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
