well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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