Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
