Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
