i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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