i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
