there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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