He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
