I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
