Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
