I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
