hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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