I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
